On the day that we arrived in the Badlands, we had some time in the afternoon to explore. Since arriving in South Dakota we’d seen some of the greater tourists traps that it has to offer – Mitchell’s Corn Palace, 1880 Town, the World’s Largest Prairie Dog - and we still had one more big one on the list: Wall Drug. Since we were continuing on a more southern route from Wall, SD, from here on out, a bunch of us decided to van over and check it out.
It’s a merchandise paradise. Among the many wonderful curiosities the one-block strip of gimmicky Old Western shops held, I found the garment I would wear to celebrate the 4th of July on our ride to Mt. Rushmore – a large Sturgis rally T-shirt with a bald eagle, American flag and the proud, flaming words, “The Strong Survive: USA,” printed on it. Once I had corrected its only style flaw by removing its sleeves, the outfit was complete.
The one other gem I found in the same store as the T-shirt was a mysterious brown paper bag with the words “$9.99 Ultimate Grab Bag” written on it sloppily in black Sharpie. For any Type-A adventurous 4K rider, this was nothing short of irresistable. What wonders could it hold?! I had to know. Though I was knowingly playing into the inane tourist hype, so were we all, and we were having fun doing so. A small price to pay for excitement.
So I chose and purchased one of the bags – who KNOWS what the others contained, all live rattlesnakes no doubt. The following (and no less) were its contents. Clearly, this is worth so much more than $9.99.
- Hot pink hair extension
- Old man grape miner cards
- Plain lavender t shirt
- Clear flashing glasses
- Black Hairagami
- “Wish you were here with us!” dog magnet
- American flag magnet
- South Dakota magnet
- Sturgis Rally sticker
- Sturgis 2006 patch
- South Dakota cow pen
- Wooden bottle opener
- Wyoming pin
- Two bags of toothpicks
- Flashing woman necklace
- Flashing lips necklace
- House keys keychain
- Purple gem ring
- South Dakota salt & pepper shakers
- South Dakota shot glass
- Buffalo Saloon mug shot glass
- Picture of the Mitchell Corn Palace
- Picture of the Badlands
- Lewis and Clark photo and postcard album
- Lewis and Clark Louisiana Purchase “postcard”
- Wyoming postcard set
- Blue headband bandana and scrunchie
- Hebrew “Christ’s Passion” baseball cap
- Royal blue synthetic track pants
That’s what I call a bargain.